When You Don’t Understand the Opponents’ Bidding …

JUST PASS! Continue reading

I cost my team first place on two strange auctions in the Round Robin in Hyannis on Sunday. In both cases all that I needed to do to become a hero was to draw the pass card from my bidding box and lay it tenderly on the table.

The first incident occurred against a team that had not impressed me the first time that I played against them. The auction went like this:

RHO Me LHO Partner
1 Pass 1 Pass
Pass (!) ?

RHO cannot pass in this situation no matter what system they are playing. He must have been holding a very weak hand, and he probably felt guilty about opening in the first place. There was no telling what either of the other two players were holding. LHO had at least six points, but her strength was unlimited. My partner did not have enough to double, so he was limited to sixteen points. My choices boiled down to letting them play 1, doubling to show the unbid suits, or bidding my best suit, which was spades, in which I held AKxxx. Well, I love to bid the master suit, and it appeared to me that our best chance of a positive score was to bid 1. So, I did.

LHO promptly bid 4. The play was a little dicey, but she made it for 620 points. If I had passed, she would only have gotten 170, a swing of ten IMPs. Ouch.

The other situation occurred against a pair of elderly ladies with whom I was not at all familiar. This time the bidding went like this:

LHO Partner RHO Me
1 Pass 1 1
4 (!) Pass Pass ?

I do not know what 4 was supposed to mean, nor can I recall ever seeing anyone make a double jump short of game unless they were bidding a splinter. However, this could not have been a splinter — she had already bid that suit! I certainly was not going to ask what it meant and give the opponents a chance to exchange information.

This time I held eight spades to the AK with only a couple of unguarded queens on the side. I figured that LHO had a hand similar to mine with loads of diamonds and that RHO feared a big mismatch. I held two diamonds, so my partner was probably not sitting on a trump stack. It seemed to me that the offensive orientation of my hand compelled me to bid again, and, as I just said, I love to bid spades. I bid four of them.

LHO passed and so did my partner. RHO paused for a few seconds, and I thought that she might double me. But no: she bid 5! I could not imagine what kind of hand she might have that made her think that 5 was a good bid only after I expressed willingness to play in 4.

In this situation I was almost compelled to double or bid 5, but I meekly passed. Meekness was the right response, but it came one round too late. RHO actually had three-card diamond support and a pretty good hand. I expected spade shortness, but actually she had a doubleton.

My partner led a spade, of course, and LHO ruffed. For a short period of time I was upset that he, holding three spades, did not bid 5 over 5. I probably would have. It is probably a good thing that I was not in his seat — they easily took twelve tricks. I pushed them into an easy game (that our partners missed because of a bidding mixup), but at least we did not push them into a laydown slam when they had been willing to settle for a minor-suit partial!

Susan Smith’s Life Master Party

Did they let her win? Continue reading

Susan_Smith
I had a few words to say at Susan Smith’s Life Master Party at the Hartford Bridge Club on Sunday, April 14. Here is an approximation:

Preterition: The norms of civil discourse dictate that I pass over without mentioning the indisputable fact that today’s honoree and her husband ruthlessly stole from me my favorite teammates, Bob and Shirley Derrah, and even had the temerity to invite them to play as their teammates on this occasion. So, instead I, almost certainly the one person in this or any other room who has lost to the Smiths the most often, intend only to emphasize two points that today dominate my thoughts, and, I suspect most of yours.

One, on this auspicious occasion – on which we all recognize that Susan has earned the honor and privilege of sitting in the special chair, when she is festooned with this elegant crown, and when she even gets for once in her life to sit north (for one round, at least) — wouldn’t you expect that in such a singular and extra special event as this that just this once she would have invited someone besides her husband to play with her?

My second point is a simple question: Are you freakin’ kidding me? Do you mean that all of this time — every Saturday and at every sectional and regional tournament — that she has been beating up on all of us, that she wasn’t even a life master? Do you know how this makes us all feel?

At any rate, congratulations, Susan, and Mike, too, and thanks for being among the fiercest competitors and the nicest people in the Hartford Bridge Club.

I cannot validate the widespread rumor that the Smiths and the Derrahs won the Swiss event only because the rest of the players conspired to let them. So, you should ignore that gossip even if it has the ring of truth to it.

Responses to Two-Suited Michaels Cue Bids

A coherent system of advances need not tax the memory excessively. Continue reading

Note: this was originally published June 14, 2012. I had to delete the original because someone figured out how to add a large number of SPAM comments.

The Michaels cue bid is useful in the direct seat after an opening bid because it provides a way to describe a hand with five or more pieces in two suits. If the bid was in one of the minor suits, the cue-bidder is telling his partner that he has at least five in each of the major suits. If the original bid was in one of the majors, the cue-bidder announces at least five pieces in the other major as well as in an undisclosed minor. In that case, the advancer can ask the cue-bidder for his minor by bidding no trump.

The first issue is to determine how much strength is required for a Michaels cue bid. Michael Lawrence recently devoted ten (!) of his monthly Bridge Bulletin columns to the subject of responding to a Michaels cue bid. He recommended that the overcaller have at least eight high-card points. I prefer to think in terms of losers. The requirement of a seven-loser hand is roughly equivalent to that of an overcall (in the direct seat) of a strong 1NT opener. In one of the quizzes Michael Lawrence provides three sample hands: the one that he rated as a minimum had seven losers; the medium hand contained six losers; the strong hand had five. Important note: advancer should not use LTC if he lacks three-card support or better for one of the majors.

Another alternative is to evaluate the hand in terms of “dummy points,” which are described here. After all, in most cases the overcaller will end up as dummy. Thirteen dummy points might be a good number. Important note: advancer can only use declarer points if he has three-card support or better for one of the majors. If there is no fit, overcaller must also reevaluate his hand.

At favorable vulnerability these requirements can all be shaded down a little.

Many teams use the “Mini-Maxi” style for bidding Michaels and the Unusual No Trump. They employ Michaels for the minimum and strong hands, but they bid the suits separately with the in-between hands. The rest of this discussion, however, assumes that Michaels is used for all 5-5 or better hands with seven or few losers.

Few teams have spent much time discussing what the various possible advances mean when the original bid was in a minor. Michael Lawrence’s recommendations seem very sensible to me. In the auction (1) 2 (P) the bids by the advancer are as follows:
  • 2: No support for either major but lots of diamonds. This is not forcing.
  • Two of a major: weak hand with a preference. This could be as few as two pieces.
  • 2NT: Asks overcaller to describe his strength. The assumption is that advancer has an invitational hand (eight losers) with three-piece support, but he might have more:
    • 2: seven or more losers.
    • 2: six losers.
    • 2: five or fewer losers.
  • 3; (opponent’s minor): Asks overcaller to bid 3NT with a stopper. If none, bid 3 with seven losers, 3 with six losers, or 3 with five or fewer.
  • 3: No support for either major but lots of diamonds.
  • Three of a major: Invitational, but it guarantees four pieces.
  • Four of a major: Also guarantees four pieces; partner can go on with a big hand.
If the suit bid is diamonds, the responses are similar:
  • Two of a major: same as above.
  • 2NT: Same as above.
  • 3: No support for either major. This is to play.
  • 3; (opponent’s minor): Asks overcaller to bid 3NT with a stopper. If none, bid 3 with six or more losers, or 3 with five or fewer.
  • Three of a major: Same as above.
  • Four of a major: Same as above.
If the responder bids, things get a little complicated. However, a few important principle should be emphasized:
  • If the responder doubles, redouble asks partner to pick a major.
  • If advancer can bid 2NT (i.e., responder’s bid was 2; or lower), the meaning of the 2NT bid is the same, and the responses by the overcaller are the same.
  • All bids of major suits are merely competitive. Overcaller should proceed with extreme caution.

A New Occupation for a Veteran

Sign me up as an armed guard at Hazardville Memorial. Continue reading

HvilleMemMy town, Enfield, CT, has decided to lead the charge into the armed defense of its schools, one of which, Hazardville Memorial, is almost literally in my back yard. The town council has decided to spend $650,000 this year to hire armed guards for nine grade and middle schools as well as for a Head Start center. My understanding is that preference will be given to “retired law enforcement officials.” I believe that I am perfectly qualified for this job. I hereby submit my credentials.

I served proudly as an MP when I was drafted into the army in 1970-1972. I completed the intense eight-week training course at Ft. Gordon, GA. Actually, my company’s course was abbreviated to seven weeks because of Christmas, but I passed with flying colors. Of particular note is that I, who had qualified as a marksman with the M-16 rifle in basic training, was one of the first in my company to qualify with the .45 caliber handgun at Ft. Gordon. The details of that qualification period are illustrative of my experience.

BullseyeWe arrived at the firing range for the first and only time shortly after lunch. The instructors showed us which end of the pistol the bullets could be expected to emerge from, and then the testing began. Four hundred points were available; the passing score was three hundred. The test was divided into two sections in both of which we each fired twenty rounds. In the first section we took our time to brace ourselves, aim, and fire at bullseye targets that contained ten concentric circles. Ten points were awarded if the bullet was in the innermost circle, only one for the largest circle. In the second section of the test we fired at three silhouette targets, which were much easier to hit, and hitting any target scored the full ten points. In this section however, we had to fire much more rapidly, and we were not allowed to brace our arms against anything. The last five shots were at a range of only ten meters and were shot “from the hip.”

SilhouettesA few guys qualified on the first attempt. Their reward was to return to the barracks early. Since they were the only ones there, and since someone had to help prepare supper, they were assigned to KP.

I did not do too well in the first test. My score was sixty-eight out of four hundred. One of the other trainees may have achieved a lower score, but I did not hear of anyone. The instructors announced that the rules would be slightly changed for the second round. In order to participate in the second half of the test, you had to get at least one hundred of the two hundred points in the bullseye section. That made sense because it would have been impossible to qualify with anything less.

The sergeants who scored each person’s performance were assigned randomly, and I got a different scorer in the second round. I took careful aim during the first half of the test, and my results improved dramatically. We all walked up to our targets, and I added the result in my head. I proudly determined that I had earned a score of around eighty-eight or ninety on the bullseye alone, more than twice as many points as I managed the first time. This meant that I would not be allowed to shoot at the silhouettes, but it did give me some hope of eventually qualifying if they gave me enough chances. To my surprise, however, the sergeant who was scoring allowed me to shoot at the silhouettes, although he warned me “You will need to hit almost all of the targets.” I shrugged and enthusiastically voiced the obligatory “Yes, sergeant.”

I did even better in the second half. I hit twelve targets out of twenty! The only thing was that half or more of my hits were ricochets — you can tell because whereas the regular holes are round, the ricocheted bullets, which are coming up at an angle, make rectangular holes that are at least twice as high as they are wide. The sergeant, however, examined my silhouettes and declared, “Some of these holes look like they have two or three bullets in them. You qualified.”

When I reached my permanent duty station of Sandia Base (now part of Kirtland Air Force Base) in Albuquerque I was put on patrol for the first few days. I had not yet had the opportunity to put my prowess with the .45 to the test yet when I saw a notice on the bulletin board asking if anyone knew how to type. Now in 1971 typing was not a skill that was common among American males, but I was pretty good at it. I took the typing test and was given the assignment of desk clerk, which meant that while the other members of my squad were protecting the base from criminals and the Communist menace, I ran the radio, typed up forms, and assisted the desk sergeant.

A boomerang is a weapon.

A boomerang is a weapon.

In this new capacity I still toted a .45 in a holster on my belt, and we were given one clip that contained ten rounds. I must say that this arrangement bothered me in that the deadly firearm was pointed at my right foot all day long, and I knew that I walked a lot better when there was not a hole in it. So, I always removed the clip from my weapon and placed it safely in my pocket. Do not for a moment think that this act in any way put the Provost Marshall’s Office in which I worked in jeopardy. If a miscreant attacked us, I was fully prepared to throw my gun at him/her, and I was much more confident in my aim when I used the gun that way than in the conventional manner.

Works better in the pocket.

Works better in the pocket.

My mettle was put to the test one summer afternoon when a dozen or so peace-crazed Gandhiists attacked our base, which is to say that they sat in one of the main streets and disrupted traffic. The MP Company was deployed to take care of the situation, although in this case we were not allowed to take our weapons. I was foresighted enough to bring a clipboard with a few papers on it. When we were ordered to pick up the insurgents and place them in trucks, I walked around with a supervisory air. For this activity I was awarded a letter of commendation.

I am pretty sure that I would remember these two.

I am pretty sure that I would remember these two.

Incidentally, in all of my time as an MP I never encountered a female MP. The two MP’s in the movie Stripes bore no resemblance to anyone whom I met in any facility in any branch of the military.

* * *
I have read a little bit of the recommendations of the Gun Owners of America for strengthening the security of America’s schools. The Enfield plan is a good start, but it does not go nearly far enough. If I am selected for the job of guarding Hazardville Memorial, I will implement a comprehensive plan to protect Enfield’s most precious asset, its rugrats. Here is an outline of what is required:

Feed me, Mandrake!

Feed me, Mandrake!

    • I will obviously need to be able to match the potential assailant in firepower. The shooter at Sandy Hook brought into the school a Bushmaster AR-15, a Glock 10mm semi-automatic pistol, and a Sig Sauer 9mm. He also had a shotgun in the trunk of his car. One must remember that that punk in Newtown knew that he would meet no resistance. I must be prepared for one or more assailants who know that the school and its children will be defended. I therefore will need at least three fully automatic weapons, perhaps an M-60 and a pair of Uzi SMG pistols with magazines that hold up to thirty-two rounds. Some sort of surface-to-surface missile launcher should also be provided in case the assailants are able to obtain an armored vehicle. Night-vision goggles would be required for parent-teacher meetings that might be held in the evenings.
    • Access to the school must be controlled. All doors except the main door must be permanently blocked. A waiver from the fire department might be required. All glass windows must be replaced by bulletproof plexiglass and sealed.
    • Recess will not be eliminated, but we cannot afford to offer the assailants a soft target when the children are outside and susceptible to both bombing and strafing attacks. Perhaps the children can do isometric exercises indoors.
    • The buses are a weak point. Their undercarriages should be armored to protect them against IED’s, and the bus drivers must be provided with sufficient firepower to protect the students.

AntiAircraft

  • Never forget that death can come from the sky. What is to prevent someone from obtaining an airplane and crashing it into the school? A simple anti-aircraft battery stationed on the roof and manned 24/7 should suffice.
  • Some additional personnel will probably be required: trainers, the men manning the roof-based weapons, backups, and there may be others. Their salaries and benefits may entail some additional cost. Is it too much to pay to keep our children safe?
  • All field trips, athletic events, and the like, whether sponsored by the school or not will be canceled until such activities demonstrate that they can meet the common-sense standards being proposed for the schools themselves.

April Fools

Also May, June, July, etc. Continue reading

I long ago realized that the common view of human beings as rational decision-makers is hooey. Three things that I have recently encountered have reinforced this for me to the extent that I have been considering applying for membership to another species. The elephants that are featured on my World Wildlife Federation calendar look like an inviting possibility.

I have almost finished Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow. One of the many astounding things that his research has uncovered is how incompetent most people are at using probabilities to make decisions. I already knew that many people are poor at calculating the probability of the occurrence of certain types of events, but I never would have guessed that even when they are given the probabilities they are unable to apply them to make utilitarian decisions. One of the many things that he discovered was that people routinely overweight the likelihood of unlikely events, and the effect is substantial. The research studies produced the following table:

Probability (%) 0 1 2 5 10 20 50 80 90 95 98 99 100
Decision weight 0 5.5 8.1 13.2 18.6 26.1 42.1 60.1 71.2 79.3 87.1 91.2 100

So, when people make decisions they exaggerate the possibility of a 1 percent likelihood by a factor of 5.5, and they exaggerate the difference between a certainty and 1 percent failure by a factor of 8.8! The former helps to explain why so many people waste their money playing the Lotto and gambling in casinos. It’s not just that they are fixated upon the payoff (as they are), that fixation makes them think that they have a much better chance of winning than they actually have.

The misjudgment of the difference between 99 and 100 percent results can make people continue to devote resources to projects that are almost certain to fail long after that likelihood has been manifest even to them. This helps explain why people keep pouring money and effort into failing businesses and projects with little chance of success. That 1 percent chance of the project succeeding looks much bigger to them.

I remember distinctly that I had an experience with a project like that. I developed a software system for nursing homes that allowed them to compute what they would be reimbursed by the state of Connecticut while they still had a chance to change policies. We installed it at one of our customers, and the proprietor loved it. I abandoned the project when I discovered that an accounting firm that numbered almost every nursing home in the state as a client already provided this kind of service. When I realized that my chances of competing with them were slim, I abandoned the project, moved on, and never looked back. Many others are apparently just incapable of admitting defeat early.

I have absolutely no idea why anyone would think that something that is 50 percent likely should be valued at only 42.1. Although Kahneman does not address that one, I believe that the assessment is probably correct. Sue has told me that she does not like to take finesses in bridge, which ceteris paribus have a 50 percent chance of succeeding, because she does not like the idea of losing that trick.

In short, most humans should not be trusted with a decision about any matter with a likelihood between 1 percent and 99 percent.

* * *
Since Sandy Hook there has been much discussion about reinstating the ban on “assault weapons” and high-capacity magazines. Although I strongly believe in one form of gun control (a national ban on handguns), the arguments presented both in favor of and against assault weapons make me see red. Those in favor of the ban argue that the fact that a weapon that could hold so much ammunition allows a shooter to kill more people than if he needed to reload. I seriously doubt that that is true. The shooter carried two handguns and a shotgun in addition to his rifle, and he had ten magazines for the rifle. It does not take more than a few seconds to eject a magazine and put in a new one. Furthermore, at short range the handguns would be almost as accurate as a rifle. So, maybe he needs to bring four handguns instead of two. Does anyone think that this lunatic would have been deterred by the fact that it would have taken him ten minutes instead of five to fill up twenty-six body bags?

Of course, assault weapons with large magazines are not needed for hunting (other species), but the most salient argument that gun enthusiasts proffer is that if there were a dictatorship, as in, say Syria, and the populace needed to resist, it would need weapons. It is definitely true that the assault weapons would be more useful in such an endeavor than shotguns or handguns. Unfortunately, as the 70,000 dead Syrian rebels have discovered, the air power and tanks that are available to the government render any type of firearm fairly useless.

S.S.

S.S.

Needless to say, the solution to the Sandy Hook problem proposed by the NRA and a few others of arming thousands (millions?) of Fearless Fosdicks hired to patrol the hallways of the schools is so ridiculous as to preclude a serious examination. They can hire Steven Seagal (with his “millions of hours” of training) to do that in Arizona if they want. In Connecticut, the Land of Steady Habits, we prefer that there be no guns at all in the schools.

F.F.

F.F.

The point is that assault weapons kill very few people in the United States, and removing them (assuming that that is even possible) would cause very little, if any, harm, and do very little, if any, good. From a practical point of view this is just not a critically important issue. In short, this is a distraction from the real problems.

* * *
What is an important issue is what has happened to our labor force. Since the collapse of the economy engineered by the geniuses hired by the brokerage firms (I refuse to call them banks) and the previous administration’s misguided policy of trying to establish an “ownership society,” the ratio of employment to the total population has tanked. The Obama administration’s policies have had essentially no effect in the last four years. And yet, the unemployment rate has decreased markedly in that time. How is that possible? There is only one possible answer: lots of people have left the labor force.

Some of them have retired, of course. Another group has gone back to school. However, I was surprised to learn from a podcast produced by the radio show This American Life that fourteen million Americans are now receiving disability payments from the federal government. These people are not getting rich off of this program, but some private companies are:

  • States have been paying private companies to comb the welfare rolls looking for people who could qualify for disability. These companies are paid thousands of dollars for each person whom they successfully move from the temporary state program to the permanent federal one, and they have high success rates.
  • Law firms such as Binder and Binder (thirty thousand disability clients in 2012 alone) contact people whose applications for disability have been rejected by the Social Security Administration. They represent the claimant in a hearing before a judge. Incredibly, no one represents the government, and the lawyers who win receive 25 percent of the awarded backpay, which amounts to about $1 billion per year.

The result of this bizarre system is that, as hard as it is to believe, since 2009 the economy has created about 150,000 jobs per month, but in the same period about 250,000 people per month have applied for disability. The system that was designed to help cripples has become the safety net for people for whom the modern economy has no use. I know a few of these folks; you probably do, as well. I doubt that the current approach is optimal, but I have yet to hear or read of a better approach. It is difficult not to think of Soylent Green at this point.