Three Words

Terrorist, skeptic, irony. Continue reading

As I. A. Richards famously observed, “The word is not the thing.” Nevertheless, words have power. In fact, one can easily argue that human beings cannot imagine something’s existence without giving it a name. Furthermore, once something has a name that takes root in one’s consciousness, it becomes extremely difficult to disprove its existence.

On the other hand, a word or phrase occasionally loses nearly all of its meaning. An example is the current usage of “literally,” as in “I was so embarrassed that I literally died.” The word adds vehemence but no additional information to the statement. Another peculiar example is “I could care less,” which somehow came to mean the same thing as “I could not care less.”

The current usage of three different words troubles me deeply for profoundly different reasons.


I strongly feel that the word “terrorist” needs to be expunged from the English language. I am not saying that this is feasible, or even possible; I am merely arguing that it has become necessary.

“Terror” is all right; we pretty much all agree what that means. The words “terrorism” and “terrorist,” however, have lost their link to the original concept. If the drift in meaning had been in only one direction, like the drift of the word “literally,” that might be tolerable. In this case, however, people who have never committed an act intended to terrify others are routinely referred to as terrorists today. Sympathizing with the cause of people who are willing to commit violent acts for a political purpose is usually enough. Any kind of association could lead to this labeling. Thus, in the period after Nelson Mandela’s death, some people called him a terrorist because in the eighties he was the head of the African National Congress, a group that used all means available, including acts of violence against civilians, to fight against apartheid. Mandela himself never was accused of any such act. In some cases, indeed, people are branded as terrorists who have much looser connections to violent acts. What they always have in common is that they are opposed to some existing government, and they are somehow linked to people who are willing to use violence to achieve their aims.

If that is what a “terrorist” means today, then we no longer need the word. We have a perfectly acceptable alternative, “rebel,” a person who uses whatever is at his disposal to overthrow a government or supports those who do. Maybe at one time rebels abided by a code of conduct that forbade acts of terror, but those chivalrous days, if they ever existed, seem to be long gone. So, to my way of thinking, Hamas, Hezbollah, and whoever we were fighting against in Iraq should all be thought of as rebels pure and simple.

This analysis is not quite right. In rare cases we do not consider the rebels as terrorists. The Frenchmen who used sabotage and other such tactics against the Vichy government in France were never called terrorists. They were “the resistance movement.” The rebels in Nicaragua who were funded by the Reagan administration were known as “freedom fighters.” Thus, it appears that only rebels whose cause we oppose qualify as terrorists. Maybe there is some other factor, but I don’t see it.

Why must all terrorists be opposed to a government? The famous “Reign of Terror” in France was perpetrated by the people who were running the first “democratic” government in that country. Were they not terrorists? What about the “shock and awe” campaign waged by they U.S. government? Was that not intended to terrorize the Iraqis who were tempted to resist the invasion? Consider also the fire bombing of Dresden and Tokyo and the atomic bombs used on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Does anyone argue that they were intended to do anything besides terrorize the enemy into surrendering?

It seems clear to me that in actual usage, governments can terrorize their own populace or the people of other nations without limit and never risk being labeled as terrorists. I can never remember the word being used to describe even the most brutal of dictators. Has anyone called Stalin or Pol Pot a terrorist?

The word is now therefore far removed from its origin. Ordinarily, this would not be a big problem, but in this case we are officially at war with the concept! It is strange to say, but it seems to me that the only way that this war will ever end is if we excise the word from our vocabulary entirely.


A lot of people call themselves “skeptics.” I have a lot of admiration for the members of the Skeptic Society and the James Randi Educational Foundation, two organizations that promote the scientific method. I have never been that good at science, but I appreciate the importance of the scientific method, and I am pretty good at probability and statistics. So, I generally understand the arguments being made in principle, even if I am unfamiliar with the subject matter, such as cancer research.

I do not understand why they have embraced the term “skeptic” as descriptive of their weltenschauung. The word “skeptical” is used to describe someone who who is not easily convinced or generally has doubts or reservations. About issues on which scientists have reached consensus – such as global warming or plate tectonics ‐ the members of these groups are probably less skeptical than the general public. So, the term “skeptic” is not an appropriate moniker, at least not a priori.

The worst part is the way that people who do not have a scientific perspective use the word. Almost everyone who appears on late-night radio to promote some absurd interpretation of reality calls themselves a skeptic. It is very common to hear someone say something like “I was the biggest skeptic in the world until my brother-in-law’s chiropractor showed me this article that proved that …”

In this case, I think that the solution is for the scientific-minded to let the nut cases have the word. That means that a new word is needed for those who think that people who make claims should have proof that meets rigorous standards. No such word exists in English, or at least I have never come across one. I suggest that an Italian word, rigoroso, be borrowed. The plural is rigorosi. It means exactly what you expect it to mean.

I see two advantages: 1) It provides a clear identity for people who reject claims that do not meet scientific standards. It is hard to imagine a researcher studying UFO’s or crop circles to claim to be a rigoroso. They never start with standards. 2) It allows the rest of us, who are not qualified to evaluate sophisticated claims in areas studied by science, to apply the same level of standards to other issues. The idea would be to set up standards of judgment before determining the truth or falsehood of the claim. I am thinking about historical research, which, in my experience, is not a bit rigorous. For example, the eleventh-century monk and writer Adémar de Chabannes has now been thoroughly discredited as an unscrupulous liar. Nevertheless, he is still often quoted concerning the state of affairs in his section of France for the simple reason that his works have survived. I don’t know what the standard should be for such a judgment, but perhaps the rigorosi could help establish one.


While watching the Michigan State-Ohio State game (and can some other network please outbid Fox for the Big Ten Championship game?), I heard the color commentator remark that Michigan State led the Big Ten in time of possession. He then claimed that it was “ironic” that in their last game with Minnesota the Spartans held the ball for only 21:19.

This is not irony. Do not use a dictionary to learn what “irony” means. Words do not do the concept justice. Instead, read O. Henry’s short story, “The Gift of the Magi.” I suppose that you could also watch the movie.

We cannot let the term “irony” be degraded into meaning “unusual” or even “unexpected.” The concept is too important. In fact, I would say that many of the richest occasions of my life have been drenched in irony. Lots of very funny jokes contain no irony, but all of my favorite humorous stories have one thing in common – ironic endings. I absolutely treasure them.

Cut off both of my arms and legs if you must, but leave me my irony. And don’t debase the word “irony” either. Eventually, humanity might lose the concept entirely.

Love-Hate Relationship

I am of two minds about college football. Continue reading

Why I Love College Football
Do you have to ask? Anyone who watched this weekend’s games know why I love college football. I am not sure that there has ever been a better weekend for the sport.

  • Oregon had just enough left in the tank to pull out a victory over Oregon State in the Civil War.
  • San Jose State (a team with a losing record!) hung up 62 points on previously undefeated Fresno State.
  • My proud Wolverines came up just short against the obnoxious brats from that state to the south.
  • LSU looked horrible, but they still managed to eke out a last-minute victory over Arkansas, a team that has not won a conference game in a year and a half.
  • Penn State somehow ruined Wisconsin’s season, and that one came on the victim’s home turf.
  • Georgia Tech’s forty-year old offense gave Georgia fits for four quarters, but it could not produce the necessary touchdown in overtime.
  • Missouri held off Texas A&M in what barely passed for a good game. After all, the Tigers won by a whole touchdown.
  • For the second week in a row Auburn produced the most miraculous finish in the history of college football. This time the Tigers/War Eagles/Plainsmen were helped by repeated cerebral-rectal inversions by the Alabama coach, Nick Saban, who is (or at least was) universally acknowledged as a genius.
  • There were others, too. I did not even mention South Carolina-Clemson, USC-UCLA, Stanford-Notre Dame, and Duke’s improbable rise to power.

Simply put, college football consistently produces dramatic, even spell-binding games, at least when two teams that hate one another are paired. What other sport even comes close? The looks on the faces of the fans made it clear that nothing in sports, at least in the United States, generates the kind of excitement that college football at the top level routinely delivers. The only rivalry in any other American sport that would even rank in the top ten is that of the Red Sox and the Yankees, and no one outside of the northeast could conceivably care that much about whether the millionaires in the Bronx are better or worse than the ones in Fenway.

Aside from the excitement, I have also found college football to be a more interesting game as well. There are passing teams and running teams. Some teams play as fast as they can. Some are deliberate. Historically, the skill of the head coach has been more important than the composition of the team. Of course, there have always been stars, but the ability of the coach to get the players to work together to implement his system has usually been the dominant factor.

Finally, the players have for the most part always been real students. They may have had some important advantages in terms of curriculum, tutoring and counseling, but they took classes in the same buildings as the other students. Thom Darden, a future Pro Bowler (and five other guys with football scholarships) lived in the same dorm of about one hundred guys that I did. Darden even played on our intramural basketball team. The bond between graduates and top-level football programs is strong enough to last a lifetime.

Why I Hate College Football
I think that the worst thing about college football is its tenuous relationship with “the next level,” the NFL. Decades ago it seemed plausible that the the college degree that at least some of the players earned was more important than the training that they got for a career in football. Now it is obvious that anyone who gets drafted by an NFL team will make more in a few years than the average college grad earns in a lifetime. The salaries are so high that plenty of the players who do not get drafted manage to hang on for a few years and still earn a lot more dough than their fellow students.

A separate but related phenomenon is the emphasis on star players. The most obvious example is Cam Newton, who began his college career at the University of Florida. Some legal problems got him suspended from the team in his sophomore year. He transferred to Blinn College in Texas and led that team to the junior college national championship. I do not know why he did not return to Florida. Instead he signed with Auburn while his father tried to get Mississippi State to give him a large sum of money to assure his son’s presence at that institution. Newton led an undefeated Auburn team to the national championship in 2010. After he left, the team’s fortunes immediately turned south. Two years later they went winless in the SEC. It is definitely worth noting that Newton’s coach, Gene Chizik, was coach of the year in 2010 and fired in 2012. Don’t feel too bad about him. Auburn had to pay Chizik $7.5 million to buy him out of his contract.

Television has made this worse. Not only do the announcers make excessive use of superlatives in describing the players, the networks themselves sponsor all-star games for the high school players in which several of them perform the hats-on-the-table ritual. Meanwhile the rating services award stars to and keep statistics on everyone who has ever touched the pigskin.

And are today’s college football players even really students? I am much too removed from campus life to judge, but I read that the winner of last year’s Heisman Trophy, Johnny Manziel of Texas A&M, took only online courses (in his major, sports management) last spring. He explained that he did this because of all the attention that he was getting. Can you imagine? He wanted to avoid interacting with adoring students, 47.9 percent of which are female at A&M! O tempora, o mores!

The success of Newton, Manziel, and a few others has led some coaches to pursue prospective players with abandon. Offers are being made to players in junior high school or even younger. The best high school players have college recruiters lined up to worship at their feet. When a school is looking for a head coach, the most important factor is often how good the coach is at closing the deal in the living room of the prospective player. The players themselves often decide based on how much attention has been played to them.

I remember hearing a backfield coach at Texas proclaiming a few years ago that if he did not have a certain level of talent to work with, he could not coach. Nonsense. In fact, I have a simple solution to this problem. Just eliminate recruiting altogether. Let the athletes apply to the schools that they like, and let the schools offer athletic scholarships. Eliminate recruiting trips entirely. The students could visit the schools, of course, but the coaches could not visit them at all. Any telephone, e-mail, or social media correspondence would have to be initiated by the student. Coaches would hate this. They would need to do a lot more coaching, and sometimes they would end up with too much talent at certain positions and not enough at others. So what?

Another issue is the size and power of the players. As late as the seventies, almost no pros weighed 300 pounds. Now plenty of high school linemen top that figure, and almost every major college offensive line averages more than 300. A running back who weighs less than 220 pounds is considered skinny. These guys spend an inordinate amount of time lifting weights. They all look like body builders.

I think that the game would be a lot better if teams were only allowed one or two substitutions per play, even when the ball changed hands. Make the players play both ways. Injuries would go way down, guys that can do nothing but block (like the crew that Alabama had on the field for the fatal field goal attempt last Saturday) would be considered much less valuable. Overall athletic ability, not the ability to do one thing preternaturally well, and strategy would be rewarded. Isn’t that a good thing? These are supposed to be academic institutions, after all.

Finally, I regret the demise of the conferences. When I was in college the conferences meant something: Atlantic Coast, Southeast, Southwest, Big 8, Big 10, and Pac 8. Each was regional, and each had its own personality. Now, fergodsake, the Big XII has ten teams, and the Big 10 has twelve. Furthermore, Rutgers and Maryland will join the Big 10 next year. Rutgers and Maryland! Missouri is now in the SEC, and West Virginia has somehow joined the Big XII. The Pac in Pac 12 no longer stands for Pacific unless you think that Boulder, CO, is on the West Coast. I have no idea which teams are in the ACC. Unfortunately, this cat is out of the bag, and the concept of a regional conference will never be regained.

As much as I despise what college football has become, I still watch all the games (except Michigan games; I get too nervous).

Cold Game in Spades

Nobody bid it Continue reading

Hand25One hand at the Saturday pairs game at the Hartford Bridge club stuck in my craw. We would have done a little better if I had analyzed hand #25 correctly. I was in the West chair, and we were vulnerable. The bidding was fairly predictable up to my second bid:

North Pard South Me
Pass 1 2 Double
3 3 Pass ?

Should I raise to four, or should I pass? I was actually hoping that South would bid 4, in which case I would certainly have bid the spade game. When she did not, my mental process was something like the following:

  • Partner might be showing extra values, or he might just be competing with seven or so spades.
  • We probably had a fit, so I counted losers. There were surprisingly only six, but that was assessing both unsupported queens as winners. Since partner had shown no interest in my minor suits, one or both might not be worth much in practice.
  • The opponents could have as few as eight trump. Only one (or even none if the opponents lead trump) can probably be ruffed one in my hand.

It was hard for me to imagine that partner could find ten tricks. So, I passed. It was a mistake. He was easily able to score the required tricks. In retrospect, I surmise that I was guilty of using 1960’s thinking; I paid too much attention to the quality of my holding and not enough to my distribution. The key fact might have been the unfavorable vulnerability. Someone at the table was probably stretching his/her values, but it was unlikely to be my partner. If I placed him with the expected seven or fewer losers (he actually had six), then I should have bid 4 in a shot. Even if I depreciated one of my queens, we still would have only fourteen losers. Losing Trick Count says that we should be in game.

I have found that LTC is pretty accurate through four-level bids. Marty Bergen’s method of adjusting point count is another good method. In this case, I have eight high-card points. The singleton brings it up to eleven (although with only two trumps, I might only add two for it), and my two long suits makes this hand easily strong enough for game. I definitely should have bid 4.

Maybe someday I will be good enough to use “judgment” to make these decisions, but for the next decade or so, I plan to rely on the conclusions of others with more experience than I have. After all, partner’s hand was far from ideal. We had duplicated values in clubs, and his J only contributes if South leads her singleton trump. He had no wasted values in hearts, but that was indicated by the opponents’ bidding.

I was pleased to discover from the results sheet that we actually got a good score on this board. No one played in 4; although one North-South pair played in 5. They probably were pushed. In fact, some declarers only managed nine tricks. Perhaps South led a trump. In that case declarer must immediately abandon the idea of ruffing a heart and take advantage of the surprisingly favorable diamond layout to establish that suit before squandering the A as an entry.