I recently stumbled across a bit of historical arcana that seems to have evaded all papal historians.

Tsar Ivan the Terrible ruled Russia from 1537 to 1584. His son Fyodor succeeded him until 1598. Fyodor was a simple man who had no interest in politics. His older brother Ivan had been groomed for the throne, but the Tsar scotched that plan by murdering him in 1581. Ivan had one other son, Dmitry, who was still alive at the time of his father’s death. However, he was just an infant, and, since his mother was Ivan’s fifth (or maybe even seventh) wife, he was not considered eligible for the throne.

Boris Godunov, a Tatar, was Fyodor’s brother-in-law. While Fyodor was alive he ruled Russia as regent. During this period Dmitry died in Uglich under suspicious circumstances. Pushkin wrote a famous novel, Boris Godunov, which claimed that Boris had ordered the murder of the youngster.

I have been to Uglich; half of the town is still a shrine to the Tsarevich Dmitry.

When Fyodor died, Boris was elected tsar by the Zemsky Sobor and ruled for the next seven years. He was succeeded by his son Fyodor, but the young man was murdered within a couple of months. In 1605, when Dmitry would have been 22 years old, the “Times of Troubles” began in Russia. No one had a clear claim to the title of tsar.

In that same year Camillo Borghese (you might have visited his nephew’s villa in Rome) was elected Pope Paul V. He had apparently had an extended correspondence with King Sigismund III Vasa of Poland, which at the time extended to most of the Baltic countries. Sigismund was a devout Catholic with designs on conquering both Sweden and Russia. He intended to convert both countries to Roman Catholicism. At the time the Swedes were Lutherans; the Russians were Orthodox and had been split from Rome for over four hundred years.

According to Polish and Russian accounts Sigismund and the pope (working through Jesuits who had been dispatched to Poland) were somehow involved in an incredible scheme. Together they sponsored the first “false Dmitry,” a young man who happened to have been born the same year as the prince who had died in Uglich. This fake Dmitry led a rather small army from Poland to Moscow. Others who were upset at Boris’s rule joined the parade.

The mother of the real prince had claimed on many occasions that her son had been murdered in Uglich by Boris Godunov’s agents. Nevertheless, this Dmitry somehow convinced her to announce publicly that she recognized him as her son. Her endorsement, in turn, convinced many Russians to support the false Dmitry.

The pretender actually conquered Moscow, was elected tsar, and ruled for almost a year before being murdered. Sic transit gloria mundi. He was killed in public in broad daylight in Moscow. His body was put on public display and then cremated. If the Munchkin coroner had been there, he would have averred that he was not only merely dead. He was really most sincerely dead.

During his short rule Dmitry had married Marina Mniszech, a Polish noble, and bequeathed important territories to her family. This was apparently all part of the scheme. He also took Boris’s daughter Xenia as a royal concubine in order to cover all the bases.

Are you still with me?

After the assassination a second false Dmitry emerged to claim the Russian throne. This one was identified by Marina as her husband who had miraculously survived the assassination attempt and cremation. He too was able to muster an army and march on Moscow. This time Sigismund actively supported the cause. Dmitri’s forces twice made it to the outskirts of Moscow before being repulsed. One night, while his troops still were in control of southeast Russia, he got very drunk and was assassinated by a Tatar prince.

A third and fourth Dmitry were less successful. In the immortal words of George W. Bush, “‘Fool me once, shame on…shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

I can’t believe people read fiction. Compared to history it is so boring and unimaginative.

The rest of Russian history is less chaotic but just as interesting. Michael Romanov was eventually elected czar, and his family ruled up until the revolution in 1917.

I have not been able to find copies of the correspondence between the pope and Sigismund yet, but I have some leads.